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Welcome to The Once Lost Wanderer. The name is derived from two poems: Amazing Grace by reformed slave trader John Newton, and All That is Gold Does Not Glitter by J.R.R. Tolkien.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

I won, I WON!

You are undoubtedly familiar with the prestigious Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC). It's kind of a big deal, pretty much on par with the Pulitzer (but not so snobby and prone to being fixed).
The official website describes it as:
Conceived to honor the memory of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton and to encourage unpublished authors who do not have the time to actually write books, the contest challenges entrants to compose bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Bulwer was selected as patron of the competition because he opened his novel "Paul Clifford" (1830) with the immortal words, "It was a dark and stormy night."
Well, I won!
Well not quite, but I did garner Dishonorable Mention in two categories: Purple Prose, and Sci-Fi.
The hyperlink below will take you to the list of distinguished winners. Scroll down to the third Dishonorable Mention under Purple Prose, and the first Dishonorable Mention under Science Fiction. You can ignore the rest of the “winners” I already checked them out for you. Doggerel mostly.

I had two other entries that, mysteriously, were not honored.

Vile puns:
Doc was happy to have won the Bulwer Litton prize for Vile Puns, though somewhat bashful to accept such an honor, and sleepy from rewriting the list of people to thank in his acceptance speech, because he didn’t want to look dopey which in turn made him grumpy due to a nagging sensation he was forgetting someone.

Historical Fiction:
Young prince Kamehameha was feeding his humuhumunukunukuapua’a fish, as he pondered what life would be like if his grandfather Kameha hadn’t stuttered.

Off to find my tux and work on my acceptance speech.

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